Now that we've established my absolute willingness to whore myself in any way possible in order to make a connection with this month's theme, let's go BACK and revisit some classic movies and see how they've aged.
And by "classic" I mean "stuff from when I was a kid". Except for the ones I saw as an adult. I guess "classic" just means "made before the year 2000".

(Note: I downloaded every one of these movies through Bit Torrent (See page 16 for details!) so you should have no trouble getting any of them.)

Lost Boys (1987)
Listen to the names of the cast for this one: Corey Haim, Corey Feldman, Keifer Sutherland. Okay, now go wash the 80s off of you. I mean, damn, there are two Goonies in there for crying out loud! This movie is absolutely dripping with the 80s. The soundtrack alone will give you an intense desire to buy a lot of hairspray. This is not to say it's bad. There's some reasonably cool vampire stuff in here. It's definitely fun to see Bill of Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure take a stake through the heart. And while the movie gets a little confused when it tries to switch from comedy to horror and back again (and again, and again), it's actually held up better than a lot of monster movies.
Final verdict: Worth revisiting, if you're a fan of vampires and aren't afraid of revisiting the 80s full-force.

Conan the Barbarian (1982)
Dark Horse Comics recently started a new Conan comic book that takes the character back to his origins by recreating the original Robert E. Howard stories. Having been a fan of it for about a year, I decided I wanted to rewatch the Schwarzenegger Conan movies that I loved so much as a little boy, beginning with the classic Conan the Barbarian. Man, what a piece of crap. It starts by reducing most of his life to simply pushing a grist mill. Somehow this tedious action turns him into a super-buff and extremely well toned man, who also knows how to sword fight better than anyone. Huh? Then, it's simply downhill from there. You may get a moment of excitement when you find out James Earl Jones is playing the villain, but the movie will be putting you back to sleep momentarily. It's almost unbelievable how boring this mo... *snore*
Final verdict: Stay away!

Conan the Destroyer (1984)
After seeing how bad the first one truly was, I'm not even sure what convinced me to sit through the sequel. Especially since it is commonly accepted that Destroyer is nowhere near as good as Barbarian. Good lord, how is that possible? Well, I'm glad I did watch it because the common knowledge in this case is bollocks. Destroyer is much faster paced than the original, and also takes itself a bit less serious (which helps, believe me). The addition of a posse for Conan actually works, and one of them is Grace Jones! How weird is that? Basically, the second movie just speeds things along nicely and gives you the cheesy sword and sorcery movie you're looking for.
Final verdict: Worth revisiting if you're into the fantasy stuff and don't mind starting with a sequel.

The Breakfast Club (1985)
John Huston really knew how to make 80's teen angst seem really interesting. And that's a good thing because otherwise setting an entire movie in a library and having the plot simply be "kids from different cliques get to know each other a little better" would have been a snoozefest. But the actors are pretty strong (not surprising since they were the Brat Pack and all went on to successful careers) and the writing isn't too ridiculous. Some scenes are awfully hard to swallow, but overall it's a pretty good movie. And although the ending seems really trite with everyone becoming good friends, take a closer look. Which girl does the nerd end up with?
Final verdict: Worth revisiting, if for no other reason than to get all of the references that are made to this movie. "You want another one?" "Yeah!"

48 Hours (1982)
Nick Nolte as a hard-boiled cop. Eddie Murphy in his debut role as a prisoner. They don't like each other, but they've got to work together. What could possibly stop this from being a great movie? Well, for starters you could not make it a comedy! Yeah, that would screw it up for sure. Then you could have some really, reeaally fake fight scenes, a lot of gratuitous breast shots, a few boring car chases and a plot that never even leaves the apartment, much less goes anywhere. Yep, that would definitely make this kinda suck.
Final verdict: Kinda sucks. Wouldn't bother if I were you.

Police Academy (1984)
How many of these did they eventually make? Eight? Ten? Not to mention the TV series and the cartoon (Oh yeah, you thought I forgot about the cartoon didn't you? I even remember the action figures!). So, the first one must have been really funny to kick off a franchise that big. Right? Right?!? Yeah, not so much. The first half of the movie has barely any laughs in it, and those are almost all from Michael Winslow (the sound effects guy). Near the end you get a couple more and the big ones (Remember the commandant's speech and the surprise waiting in the podium?) are still pretty damn funny. But overall it's hard to see how this is a comedy classic.
Final verdict: If you're really in the mood for some comedy and can't find anything else except for Dane Cook stand-up, this is worth watching.

The Beastmaster (1982)
I went into this with fuzzy memories at best. There was a panther (I thought) and some ferrets. And a guy in a loincloth who could talk to them. That was about all I remembered. Having rewatched it, I can see why. More than any other movie on this list Beastmaster will have you thinking to yourself, "What were they thinking?" over and over. Rip Torn as the evil necromancer? A hero named Dar? Who immediately strips to his loincloth after seeing his family killed and runs off to avenge them? And then nearly rapes the first woman he lays eyes on? And can talk to any animal but chooses to limit it to just four? Including TWO ferrets? And a tiger (poorly) painted black to look like a panther? What were they thinking?
Final verdict: Yech. About the only thing this movie is good for is being made fun of. Although there's a danger you might die of exhaustion by doing so, since there are almost too many opportunities for that. Steer clear unless you're a group of serious Mystery Science Theater 3000 fans.

From: Kennard
To: Kevin (September 15th

Hey, I've got a great idea for the "Back" theme we've got going in this issue! I'm going to write something about BabyBACK Ribs! Get it!

From: Kevin
To: Kennard (October 16th)

So... where's that Babyback Ribs article I was promised? It's fine with me. You just have to actually write it.

From: Kennard
To: Kevin (October 16th)

Sorry, I am checking into the hospital for a little while and I won't be able to get to it. Maybe you can find someone else to do it?

From: Kevin
To: Jeff (October 17th)

Hey, Jeff. Listen, Kennard was going to write something about Babyback Ribs for the new issue of The Drum and now he can't. Unfortunately, Liesje has already laid out the cover and I'm committed. I don't care what it is as long as it has something to do with ribs. Can you help me out?

From: Jeff
To: Kevin (October 18th)

No problem. I hammered this out in about an hour last night. Let me know what you think!

A Brief and Definitive History of Baby Back Ribs

For the sake of simplification, the colloquialism “Ribs” will be referred to as the thorax of an ungulate (most likely swine) exposed to high temperatures and marinated for human consumption. The long and storied history of Baby Back Ribs begins with the common pig. One of the first mammals to be domesticated by early humans, and a member of the Chinese Zodiac, pigs have long supplied abundant joules of energy, fueling humanity ever forward into the future. Some even claim that without an increase in high calorie foods such as pork, the industrial revolution would have never taken place. After all, a successful civilization has yet to be built on carrots.

Surely, when discussing Ribs, the antediluvian subject of Barbecuing is not far behind. The term “Barbecue” itself is shrouded in mystery, conjuring cabalistic and eldritch images to the mind. Even the Etymology of “Barbeque” or the more arcane spelling “BBQ” is subject of intense scholarly debate. Some claim it comes from the Taíno word “Barabicu” which means “Sacred Fire Pit”. While most of the Barbeque community would agree the origins are decidedly Caribbean, disputes from The French and even The Australians further exacerbate discourse on this subject, as they claim to have invented it themselves.

By the end of the 20^th Century, the popularity Baby Back Ribs reached staggering heights thanks to American Restraunteur Chili’s ad Jingle “I Want My Baby Back Ribs (With Barbeque Sauce)”. Due to powerful market forces this overly quoted song made its way into American Cinema, as featured in the film “Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me (1999)”. The song was mimicked by populist comedian personality Mike Myers playing a character known as “The Fat Bastard”. This character was highly popular amongst high school students, especially in districts with low to middling standardized test scores. Despite this, Baby Back Ribs are still succulent, and satisfying. With spices to whet anyone’s appetite、delicious Baby Back Ribs are enjoyed on a daily basis by thousands of people all over the world. Unfortunately, Japan is not one of those places. Sorry!

From: Kevin

To: Jeff (October 20th)

Looks great! Thanks for the help!

From: Kevin

To: Liesje (October 20th)

Hey, this Ribs article isn't the slightest bit amusing or funny, so just bury it in the back of the magazine. The only reason I'm even publishing it is so we don't have to change the cover.

From: Kennard

To: Kevin (October 20th)

Hey, I got out of the hospital earlier than expected so I went ahead and wrote that Babyback Ribs article. Let me know what you think!

Traditional New Guinea Baby Back Ribs

Tired of the various pastas, hamburgers, or other default foods that you make at home? Well, to break the monotony, I’ll suggest a scrumptious recipe for baby back ribs from New Guinea using contemporary quick fixes and how to properly prepare and cook them.

Ingredients:

2lbs. baby back ribs

1 med. Acorn squash (1lb)

2 (18 oz.) jars baked beans

¼ c. ketchup

3 tbsp. maple syrup

2 tbsp. prepared mustard

Preparation:

Cut rack of ribs into 2 rib portions. In large skillet, heat ribs, covered with water, on high heat until boiling. Reduce heat to low and simmer for 40 minutes. Meanwhile, cut acorn squash into ¾” wedges. Drain ribs. Into same skillet, stir in baked beans, ketchup, syrup and mustard. Add ribs and squash wedges. Heat to boiling; reduce to low, cover and simmer until ribs and squash are fork tender, about 20 minutes. Stir occasionally. Makes 4 servings.

This looks like a simple and easy-to-do recipe and indeed is, however the receivers’ of this tasty meal, to keep New Guinea’s Fore tribe’s authenticity, is quite limited. First of all, the baby has to be female if you are to eat the ribs. Secondly, the only people traditionally allowed to eat the baby are: the sister, the brother’s wife, the mother’s brother’s wife, the sister’s son’s wife, and the baby’s female matrilateral cousin.

And so it goes if you wish to maintain Fore authenticity. It seems like there’s always that polite tape you just can’t seem to cross, and when you’d rather not I guess there’s always a McDonald’s nearby.

From: Liesje
To: Kevin (October 23rd)

Are you kidding? This isn't any better than Jeff's article. Not to mention the fact that we'll be offending who-knows-how-many people by even alluding to eating human children. Are you sure you want to publish this piece of crap? It'll take a little work, but I can change the cover.

From: Kevin
To: Liesje (October 23rd)

Yeah, you're right. Go ahead and change the cover. There's no way I'm putting either of these in The Drum. Even MAJET members don't deserve this.

Crazy Idea

So, this next post going up in a minute is an article I thought of almost immediately once we decided on what the current Drum issue's theme would be. As soon as I started thinking about "back" I went through Back to School, Back to Work and then Back to the Future. That quickly led me to think of this concept.

It's pretty simple. The idea is that a book of interviews with previous JETs has fallen back in time and into our hands, and then we publish a few of them. I wrote up some questions and sent them out to several people, letting them know that they were welcome to take the joke as far as they wanted. A lot of people didn't write back, but 4 did and then I added one from my head. See if you can figure out which one.

I think it turned out pretty well. Whether or not anyone else will find it funny is beyond me. But, as I have realized more and more in recent years, I don't really care either.

Oh, is this still here?

I've never been able to keep up with a diary. Never. I'm surprised I even started this blog, much less wrote more than two entires for it.

But now months and months have gone by and I'm back, because Google is always getting me to do stuff whether I like it or not.

See, my computer crashed recently, and the hard drive was not recoverable. And since I wasn't smart enough to bring my Windows CDs with me when I came to Japan, I ended up having to go with Linux as my operating system. Now, I know it probably has a fine and dandy word processor built in there, but I'm not familiar with it yet and I'm a little gunshy about losing stuff now.

Combine that with the fact that Google just integrated their word processor with Gmail and you can guess where I am typing stuff now. And after you type it, you have the opportunity to "publish" it on the internet. You have the option of publishing it somewhere and getting a link to it (which is almost assuredly gobbledygook), or publishing it to your blog. I did the latter because... I can?

I don't know why. I just felt like it. And now I think I'll probably be publishing everything I write in that processor on here. Right now it will likely just be stuff for The Drum (the Miyagi Prefecture JET Magazine that I am the Editor-in-Chief of) but who knows about later?

Doesn't matter though right? I mean, no one still reads this do they?

The New Fall Season of TV

With the temperature rapidly dropping and it getting dark around five in the afternoon, now is the time of year when many of us find ourselves spending more time at the kotatsu watching TV. And while Japanese TV is greatly entertaining for a little while, those 20 minutes probably ended some time back. Fortunately for us all, the internet has given us the ability to watch all of our favorite shows from back home through the wonder that is Bit Torrent. With whole seasons available for easy download, having missed a few episodes (or a few years' worth of episodes) is no reason not to check out some really great shows. And if you don't know how to use Bit Torrent, then you had better turn to page 16 right now!
Okay, you got it now? Well then, read on as we take a look at the best of this year's new television series!

JUSTICE
Yes, this is yet another courtroom drama. But surprisingly (extra surprising considering that it's produced by Jerry Bruckheimer), a reasonably worthwhile one. The main difference being that the lawyers here are not nearly as concerned with truth, facts or innocence as they are with perception. The show deals with how the media can be used as a tool to sway a jury's opinion one way or another. Some clever writing and pretty good acting keeps it afloat. And as an added bonus, at the end of each episode you get to see what really happened, which is a nice twist. Great popcorn TV.

STANDOFF
Kind of a modern day Moonlighting (Does anyone else even remember Moonlighting?), it revolves around a couple of police negotiators who are partners in more ways than one. The show is trying to walk a fine line, balancing light-hearted humor with tense negotiation scenes. So far, thanks primarily to Ron Livingston (the main guy from Office Space), it's done pretty well. There's still the questions of whether it can keep it up, and whether Livingston can carry the whole thing on his shoulders... Worth watching at least once.

STUDIO 60 ON THE SUNSET STRIP
My favorite show of the new season. Created by Aaron Sorkin (West Wing), it revolves around a Saturday Night Live style show that has become increasingly unfunny and has to be rescued by a couple of guys who were let loose years before due to... Well, let's just say there was a misunderstanding. While the show does occasionally make things a bit overly dramatic (It sometimes seems like events are just as important as those taking place in West Wing, which is, of course, ridiculous.), the dialogue is snappy, the acting is good and the direction is pretty well spot-on. If only the real SNL were anywhere near this good... Must see!

HEROES
Being a long-time comic book geek, I should be loving this show about unrelated people all over America (and one Japanese guy) suddenly and inexplicably developing super powers. I'm not sure why I'm not. It's good, and it's compelling and I keep tuning back in. But it lacks the "I can't wait" feeling that shows like Lost are so good at delivering. Still, all of the performances are solid and if the writers are willing to see this through it could be something great. Definitely worth checking out.

HELP ME HELP YOU
Whew, finally a comedy! Ted Danson (Sam from Cheers) is back to his sitcom roots as a relationship counselor who, predictably, can't save his own relationship. The show is mercifully not done in the old-school "live-studio audience" "3 walled room" format and is actually pretty funny. Danson still has the comic timing and the facial expressions to bring it all together when he's on screen, but the rest of the cast has yet to prove they've got what it takes to keep things going when he isn't. Still, funny stuff though. Definitely worth checking out.

30 ROCK
And another comedy. Seemingly similar to Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip at first glance, it only takes a moment to tell the two apart. Created by former Saturday Night Live member Tina Fey, 30 Rock is about a live comedy show that suddenly finds itself at the mercy of a new, cutthroat producer (played by Alec Baldwin, who does it perfectly). Unlike Studio 60 however, this show keeps it light. It's a half hour comedy and plays everything without the drama that would surely be present if these events actually took place. The timing on the jokes still seems a little off, but if they find their groove this will be a show to look forward to each week. Definitely worth checking out.

JERICHO
Okay, I actually think you should just check out this show's first episode and see for yourself why it's pretty interesting because I don't want to spoil the big surprise for you. So, if you're willing to just trust me on that and go watch it, then DON'T READ THE REST OF THIS DESCRIPTION!
But, if you couldn't help yourself, here we go. Jericho is about a young man returning to his home town (Guess what the town is called. Guess!) in an effort to get some money from his estranged father. When that doesn't work, he decides to leave again only to be faced with a mushroom cloud somewhere in the vicinity of Denver. From there, it's a question of what the townsfolk will do to survive. Oh, yeah, and the question of what the hell happened. Occasionally the show dips a bit too much into cliched elements (a school bus in danger, escaped convicts, etc.) but the writing is decent enough to keep it all together and the concept is rock solid. Definitely worth checking out.

OLD FAVORITES - Shows that aren't new, but that you should really be watching. Look for Torrents of entire seasons for these.

BATTLESTAR GALACTICA
Now entering it's third season, this Science-Fiction show is probably the best thing on TV. I know a lot of you are going to blanch at that, but that's just because you haven't seen it. Everyone who has is probably nodding their heads in agreement right now. You don't have to be an SF fan to love it, either. And the different levels the show works on make it possible to watch it as simply a shoot-'em-up space fight, or a deep meditation on the nature of life and religion. And that's not even getting into the politics... Absolutely Must See!!!

LOST
If you haven't been watching Lost, you had better start at the beginning because missing even a single episode will leave you scratching your head. Well, you'll be scratching it anyhow, but missing episodes might result in you actually hurting yourself you scratch so hard. While nothing ever seems to get resolved on the show, it remains compelling going into its third season now. Just in case you've been living under a rock, it's about the survivors of a plane crash who end up on a very strange island. And then stuff happens. Trust me, it's really good. Must See!!

THE OFFICE
While the original BBC version of this is rapidly becoming a classic and should definitely be watched, don't dismiss the American version out of hand. The first couple of episodes tried too hard to re-create the British show, but after that it began to take on a life of its own and has now become what is likely the best comedy on television (at least in the states). Each episode mostly stands on its own, but it's worth starting at the beginning so you don't miss out on any of the character growth. Must See!