Chocolate Mix Skittles

Chocolate Mix Skittles

Food Review

I’ll admit that the whole idea of reviewing food, or even specifically candy, isn’t one I thought up on my own. That being said, it sounded like fun so who cares where I may or may not have ripped it off from.

As for Skittles in particular, it seems to me that there are three basic ways to eat them. The first is to separate the flavors and eat them one at a time, savoring and enjoying that particular fruit simulation by itself. The second, and probably the most common, is to simply grab a mix at random and see what it tastes like all jumbled together. The third and final, and I'll admit that I never do this, is what I call the Jelly Belly method where one tries specific combinations of the different flavors in an effort to discover some amazing, new taste sensation. I can't be bothered to do that with Jelly Bellys (Jelly Bellies?) even when they supply you with little recipes, so you can rest assured that it won’t be happening with the Skittles.

So, Chocolate Mix Skittles seem like an odd proposition to me from the very get-go. When I’m in the mood to eat Skittles, I’m probably in the mood for fruity flavors and not chocolate. And when I’m in the mood for chocolate, Skittle is not likely to be the first thing that pops into my mind. Still, I'll try anything once.

The bag informs us that this mix is made up of five flavors, which I will now review separately:

1. S’mores – This should include the flavors of chocolate, graham cracker, and marshmallow. Instead, it kind of tastes like a Tootsie Roll. I’m not getting anything here that makes me think of S’mores. It’s not bad, if you like Tootsie Rolls (And hey, really, who doesn’t?), but , for some reason, I was surprised by the hard candy aspect even though I know what Skittles are like. I had chocolate in mind and my brain just expected it to be chewy. Rating: 2/5

2. Vanilla – How is that a chocolate flavor? Vanilla? Isn't that, like, the antithesis of chocolate? Aren’t they sworn enemies on the battlefields of sweet flavors? Seems like a stretch to me for this to be in a Chocolate Mix. The taste is all right. Kind of a vanilla/cheesecake flavor that is actually pretty enjoyable and definitely a step up from the Tootsie Roll rip-off of the S’mores candies. Rating 4/5

3. Chocolate Caramel – Is this supposed to be chocolate and caramel mixed together or some kind of chocolate flavored caramel? And wouldn’t that just be chocolate syrup? Should I be expecting caramel flavor or not? Whatever the deal is, my bag has far more of this flavor than any other. Could this be the filler of the Chocolate Mix Skittles? Perhaps. And considering these also taste like Tootsie Rolls, I can see why. There's some sort of not-quite-Tootsie-Roll aftertaste, but not enough to make it worth talking about. Rating: 2/5

4. Chocolate Pudding – From the filler to the rarity. I only have a measly six Chocolate Pudding Skittles in my bag, and their color is annoyingly close to that of the Brownie Batter, making the two hard to differentiate. I’ll have to be careful not to eat too many because I need to save some for the final mix. Maybe it won't matter though, because Chocolate Pudding doesn’t seem like a very distinct flavor. Doesn’t it just taste like chocolate? Almost, but not quite. These actually taste like a Jell-O Pudding Pop (Anyone else hear Bill Cosby in their head every time the words “pudding” and “pop” come up?) which isn’t bad, and as least it isn’t another Tootsie Roll retread. Rating 3/5

5. Brownie Batter – Not actual brownies mind you. This is the batter. These Skittles will not be recreating the flavor of brownies that have been baked, but rather that goopy mix you put into the oven that will eventually become brownies. Again, there aren’t a lot of them here; I only got seven. And again it’s annoying that they look so much like Chocolate Pudding. Shockingly, they actually do taste kind of like brownies. Or brownie batter. Or both. But it’s definitely there. Unfortunately, it’s not that great. Rating 2/5

And now, I will take two of each flavor, mix them together, and find out what a sampling of everything tastes like together. My prediction is: Tootsie Roll. We shall see.

And I was mostly right. It tastes like some Tootsie Rolls with something else mixed in, like maybe one of those vanilla-flavored Tootsie Rolls you only see at Halloween. Overall it’s pretty enjoyable, but I can’t shake the feeling that I'd be better off just eating Tootsie Rolls to start with. And it is a little sad that the best flavor in a Chocolate Mix is vanilla. Candy aficionados (if they exist) will want to try these, but as for everyone else, you're not really missing anything.

Suitable for kids?: At 230 calories and 2.5 grams of Saturated Fat per bag (which is one serving) I wouldn’t give them a whole package. Also, once they get all hopped up on the sugar, just don’t bring them around me.

Rating: 2/5

Knight Rider

Knight Rider (2008)

TV Review

Damn you Battlestar Galactica! For years it was pretty well understood that remaking an old TV show was just going to produce garbage. Sure, there were a couple of success stories, but for the most part trying to recapture the magic by bringing back an old favorite was just a disaster.

Then, to the shock of pretty well everyone everywhere, the new Battlestar Galactica show turned out to be good. Really good. And the eyebrows of television executives everywhere shot straight up. Why, just thinking about all the other old shows they could bring back probably sent some of them home with a new-found spring in their step. There isn’t a need to come up with a concept or to figure out how to promote the show and let people know what it’s about. Because everyone already knows what it is! It’s brilliant! Or… it would be if the shows were any good.

The new Knight Rider is just the latest in a string of programs proving that, whatever it was the minds behind BSG did, it isn’t easy to duplicate. The first five minutes of the premiere two-hour event (something that usually translates into “a little too much to squeeze into one hour, and not nearly enough to stretch out to two hours, but watch us do it anyhow”) show some promise. There’s some action, some interrogation, and the car is awesome. Then the credits come along and things just head downhill for an hour and fifty-five more minutes. It's not just that the show is clichéd, it's that it's full of old clichés. Some villains want to get something that will start a war and make them money. There’s the hero and the girl. She’s the beautiful and brilliant daughter of a scientist. They dated, but, you know, they're from different worlds. He never called. But now, hey, they're together again and that 60 second conversation pretty well worked out all the problems they had, so let's all work together and have a will they/won’t they thing until this gets mercifully canceled. Also, there was some fast driving.

And, that’s pretty much whatnow and that 60 second conversation pretty well worked out all the problems we had, so let's wor part trying to bring you got out of the whole two hours. Now they can set up the villain of the week format and get down to the business of doing exactly what the old Knight Rider did but with a less charming lead and much better shows to compare it to. Is it possible for a show to have jumped the shark years before it even begins airing? At the end of the movie when David Hasselhoff made his brief appearance, it didn’t leave me thinking, “Yes! What an awesome way to end this!” but rather, “Now, that’s the show I'd rather be watching.”

Suitable for kids?: Yeah, from about age 10 and up. There’s not enough sexual innuendo or tension to be an issue (or to be interesting), and very little violence.

Rating: 2/5

Yeasayer - All Hour Cymbals

Yeasayer – All Hour Cymbals

Music Review

The debut album from the band Yeasayer isn’t necessarily one that’s going to reach out and grab you right off the bat. Instead, you are more likely to find yourself humming a short refrain or repeating a couple of melodic lyrics and wondering where it came from. The music can seem almost overwhelming at moments, but is actually comprised of many simple parts all layered into a rich whole. The members use a lot of Eastern sounds, specifically reminiscent of Indian music, along with multiple vocal tracks and a dash of indie rock sensibilities. The result is something resembling a Bollywood soundtrack, a drum circle, Built to Spill, and Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band.

Undoubtedly the strongest track on the album, “2080” may make a good litmus test for anyone unsure if that sounds like something they might enjoy. And that’s understandable. It’s a mixture of sounds that could fall apart at any stage of production. If the vocalists weren’t all good singers, if the percussionists weren’t solid, if the levels weren't mixed down just perfectly then any of the songs could quickly become grating, but track after track comes together nicely. They might not all get stuck in your head, but the worst thing you can say about any given song on All Hour Cymbals is that it’s a really nice song. For the best tracks, they've created songs that combine a sense of ancient history with new sounds.

Recommended tracks: Again, “2080” is the best song on the album. If you don’t like it, you likely won’t care for anything else here. "Sunrise" is another great track which allows the music to come more to the forefront. These two together represent the basic sounds of the album and, unsurprisingly, were the two chosen to be on the first single. “Wintertime” dips closer to the indie rock sounds, “Forgiveness” plays heavily with the chanting aspects, and the album comes to a nice close with “Red Cave”, which sums up what the group is doing very well.

Suitable for kids?: Sure. The music tends more towards calming and there was no noticeable cursing. Probably better for kids than pretty much anything on the radio actually.

Rating: 4/5

Welcome to the Captain

Welcome to the Captain
CBS, Mondays at 8:30 EST

TV Show Review

Raquel Welch still looks great, and Jeffrey Tambor always brings charm and great timing to whatever he works on.

And, yep, I think that’s all of the nice stuff I have to say about the new sitcom, Welcome to the Captain. Maybe if the whole show were about Welch and Tambor's characters it would be enjoyable, but it isn't. He's in it only intermittently, and she makes two very small appearances that left me with the impression she might not even be featured in every episode. Instead, the show focuses on Josh Flug, played by Fran Kranz who you'll recognize from... Oh yeah, nowhere. It's nice to see that one guy from American Pie who never did anything else finally getting more work as the buddy who convinces Flug (Is that name supposed to be funny?) to stay in L.A. instead of returning to New York. I guess. And apparently the hopeful future love interest is also on Reba, so you just know she can bring the funny.

Ahem.

When I saw this show was starting up now, I wondered if it had been sitting around since before the writers’ strike started, or if it were simply not written by writers. After watching it, I’m guessing it was written by a couple of unpaid interns circa 1998. Like I said, Tambor is always good when he has something to work with. But here his funniest line is, after mentioning that he used to write for Three’s Company, saying, “Yeah, yeah, I was a writer on T-CO.” Ha. He called Three’s Company “T-CO”. That's a... good one? Oh, and the guy working the front desk of the apartment building is named Jesus, but he pronounces it like the son of God instead of the way you would normally expect a Hispanic person to. Kind of like in The Big Lebowski except without all of the stuff that made that funny. Oh, and we already have The Big Lebowski. So this is like someone saying, "You like Turkey and mayo sandwiches? Well, I made one with just mayo! Isn't that great?" No. at funny. Oh, and we alreqd that made that funny. sonf to write for g around since before the wirter'No, it isn’t.

I don’t know what else to say. This show isn’t funny. Ever. And there’s not even the promise of future funny. Some people might say that it’s unfair to judge the show based solely on the pilot, but honestly that’s how the networks do it and there are plenty of shows whose first episodes weren't that funny, but at least showed how the series could be funny. This one just makes me want to watch something else.

Suitable for kids: Not really. Too much sexual innuendo. That being said, it’s not really suitable for human consumption at all.

Rating: 1/5

The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay

The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay

By Michael Chabon

Book Review

As I read through this book, I kept wondering if I my lifelong love of comic books was simply adding another level to my enjoyment of it, or if it was actually the main reason I was appreciating it. Would someone who hadn't grown up obsessing over superhero exploits past and present still find this novel such a joy? Or would they simply wonder why the author kept muddling his narrative with all of this talk about silly stories of grown men in their underwear? The "Winner of the Pulitzer Prize for Fiction” blurb on the cover reassured me to some extent, but experience with movies has taught me that award-winning doesn't necessarily mean good.

However, when all is said and done, I think this story really speaks to something that anyone can relate to. You might connect a little more strongly to the main characters if you are a comic book fan, but you might connect even stronger if you are Jewish, or any minority, or a dreamer, or someone who has been in war or been close to someone who was in war, or if you lived in New York, or any of a hundred other types of people.

The story focuses on two young Jewish boys, one a born-and-bred New Yorker, and the other, his cousin, a refugee from Prague. They become quick friends and find their fortune in the creation of a comic book character called The Escapist during the comic book boom that followed the debut of Superman in the late 30s. But to say that the book is about comic books or about superheroes would be ridiculous. It's about the lives of these two men and the routes that they end up taking through them as World War II, along with any number of other events, comes about. It touches on the disenfranchisement felt by immigrants, the difficulty of being a homosexual during that period, the beginnings of suburbia, and the wonder of childhood characters if you are a comic book fan, but you might connect even stronger if you are Je, in addition to being something of a history lesson on the creation and publication of superhero comics.

Chabon is simply a masterful writer. Whenever he begins to build the characters up and give them a hope of real happiness, the reader can tell that something terrible is around the corner. But the true measure of his expertise comes from the fact that you can’t help but get excited for them. You know a catastrophe is looming, yet the desire to see them succeed and be happy, and the hope that it is possible, simply won’t allow you to remain totally cynical. The other thing I feel the need to point out is that Chabon’s use of language is a joy to read. His descriptions and the way everything is structured are English at its best. He could write a novel about American Idol and I’d probably find it a pleasurable read.

So, to wrap it up, you owe it to yourself to read this book no matter who you are. I have nothing bad to say about it. I haven't read a book this good in so long I think I had forgotten that they existed. I almost hesitated to praise the book so heavily because I was concerned that I might have raised expectations too much, but, honestly, I feel confident that the book can take it.

Suitable for kids?: Middle School and up, depending on their reading ability. Younger kids would be too confused by much of the book, and the passages dealing with homosexuality and war, while not at all graphic, may be a bit too adult.

Rating: 5/5

Rambo

Film Review

The awesomeness of any given scene in Rambo is inversely proportional to how much dialogue it has. When there’s nothing coming out of the characters’ mouths except for panting and grunting as they run and shoot and fall down, the movie’s action sequences are almost breathtaking. But as soon as the characters start yapping the enjoyment level begins to drop, and in those moments when they begin to expound upon human rights or dignity or religion or anything with any level of importance it just becomes cringeworthy.

Still, no one should be going in to see this with the expectation that they’ll be getting any kind of profound statement on... anything. If you're like me then you simply want some well-paced action, big explosions, and (I'll admit it) lots of blood and guts. And you’ll get that. Boy, will you ever. Rambo makes The Passion of the Christ look like Jesus Christ Superstar. When the bullets are flying, it's at the top of its game and everything is great. The problem arises from the fact that the bits in between all the killing are just so bad. The obvious plot and poorly written dialogue are to be expected, sure. And the main villain being cartoonishly evil is nothing new either. But did he have to be this cartoonish? A guy who silently watches from his car, while smoking non-stop and wearing reflective sunglasses like something straight out of Smokey and the Bandit? Oh yeah, and he also rapes a young boy. So, now he's a gay, pedophile smoker with state trooper sunglasses. If they'd given him a Russian accent I think they would have hit every villain cliché ever. But even this didn’t actually bother me so much as make me chuckle and roll my eyes.

What did bother me was the underlying racism throughout the movie. Basically, John Rambo has given up on life. He knows atrocities are being committed in Burma, near where he lives, but he doesn’t care about anything. Until a white woman asks him to do something. Then it matters. And when she gets kidnapped, he has to go after her. And when she’s in danger of being sexually assaulted, he kills the guy doing it with his bare hands. In fact, her well-being and sexual purity are of paramount importance to seemingly every person in the movie, good or bad. It's like every single character said, "Yeah, we know that Burmese women and children are being brutally murdered, raped, and who knows what else. But we can't do anything about that. Holy cow, is that a white chick?!?! Well, now some people gotta die!”

Of course, just as this is starting to bother you, some stuff blows up. Real good. And that’s why you’re there, so you’ll be back to enjoying it pretty quickly. You might want to make a donation to a charity for relief in Burma or Darfur afterwards, to help wash the taste out of your mouth, but you'll probably enjoy the trip. I mean, seriously, that stuff blows up REAL GOOD.

Rated: R

Suitable for kids?: No, not at all. Earns every aspect of its “R” rating.

Anything after the credits?: Nope. No reason to stick around.

Rating: 3/5

New Format!!

Welcome!

Whether you are a newcomer or an old friend, welcome to the beginning of the newest phase of my personal blog. It has been sitting here (in imaginary internet space) not getting used for a long time, so it’s something of a miracle that I even remembered I had it. Basically, I could never be bothered to write anything here because nothing ever really struck me as blog-worthy. Anything happening in my daily life was something I had already told to the people I wanted to know about it.

But I have always wanted to review stuff. Movies, books, comic books, music, TV shows… You name it, I want to tell someone my opinion on it. So, I finally decided that now was the time to just start.

My goal is to get at least three reviews up here every week, but it may go a little slower at first while I get the hang of it and try to get into the swing of writing these regularly. I intend to keep them all to about one page of text or less, so I don’t ramble too much. And just to let you know how my ratings will work, here’s a breakdown:

1/5 – Bad

2/5 – Not Good

3/5 – Good

4/5 – Very Good

5/5 – Great

So, anything with a 1/5 should just be avoided at all costs. Something I give 2/5 to is bad, but it could have been worse. Still, probably not worth your time. 3/5 will probably be the most common rating given out, because it denotes something sort of mediocre. Not great, but not terrible. There are likely things to enjoy in there, but they are obscured by problems throughout the piece. 4/5 is something you should definitely check out when you get the chance. It will be something that I feel very confident suggesting you experience, while 5/5 is not to be missed. There won’t be a lot of these, because frankly there isn’t that much out there that deserves it. But when they come along I’m going to throw them in there and you’ll want to run out and see or read or hear whatever it is as soon as you can.

And that’s the idea. Thanks for dropping by and I hope you come back. Oh, and leave some comments for me, would you? Thanks!