Rambo

Film Review

The awesomeness of any given scene in Rambo is inversely proportional to how much dialogue it has. When there’s nothing coming out of the characters’ mouths except for panting and grunting as they run and shoot and fall down, the movie’s action sequences are almost breathtaking. But as soon as the characters start yapping the enjoyment level begins to drop, and in those moments when they begin to expound upon human rights or dignity or religion or anything with any level of importance it just becomes cringeworthy.

Still, no one should be going in to see this with the expectation that they’ll be getting any kind of profound statement on... anything. If you're like me then you simply want some well-paced action, big explosions, and (I'll admit it) lots of blood and guts. And you’ll get that. Boy, will you ever. Rambo makes The Passion of the Christ look like Jesus Christ Superstar. When the bullets are flying, it's at the top of its game and everything is great. The problem arises from the fact that the bits in between all the killing are just so bad. The obvious plot and poorly written dialogue are to be expected, sure. And the main villain being cartoonishly evil is nothing new either. But did he have to be this cartoonish? A guy who silently watches from his car, while smoking non-stop and wearing reflective sunglasses like something straight out of Smokey and the Bandit? Oh yeah, and he also rapes a young boy. So, now he's a gay, pedophile smoker with state trooper sunglasses. If they'd given him a Russian accent I think they would have hit every villain cliché ever. But even this didn’t actually bother me so much as make me chuckle and roll my eyes.

What did bother me was the underlying racism throughout the movie. Basically, John Rambo has given up on life. He knows atrocities are being committed in Burma, near where he lives, but he doesn’t care about anything. Until a white woman asks him to do something. Then it matters. And when she gets kidnapped, he has to go after her. And when she’s in danger of being sexually assaulted, he kills the guy doing it with his bare hands. In fact, her well-being and sexual purity are of paramount importance to seemingly every person in the movie, good or bad. It's like every single character said, "Yeah, we know that Burmese women and children are being brutally murdered, raped, and who knows what else. But we can't do anything about that. Holy cow, is that a white chick?!?! Well, now some people gotta die!”

Of course, just as this is starting to bother you, some stuff blows up. Real good. And that’s why you’re there, so you’ll be back to enjoying it pretty quickly. You might want to make a donation to a charity for relief in Burma or Darfur afterwards, to help wash the taste out of your mouth, but you'll probably enjoy the trip. I mean, seriously, that stuff blows up REAL GOOD.

Rated: R

Suitable for kids?: No, not at all. Earns every aspect of its “R” rating.

Anything after the credits?: Nope. No reason to stick around.

Rating: 3/5