Bullet Points

Bullet Points

Comic Book Review

The alternate reality tales of DC and Marvel, under the umbrella titles of Elseworlds and What If…? respectively, are such a cool idea that, even though their hit-to-miss ratio is not particularly good, I have always been inexorably drawn to them. I just can’t help but want to know what it would have been like if Superman had grown up in Soviet Russia or how the Marvel universe would have been altered if Wolverine had become the lord of the vampires. On the other hand, the Fantastic Four developing in soviet Russia and Batman becoming lord of the vampires were considerably less compelling stories, but I figured they were worth a shot. So, when the new series Bullet Points promised to take a serious look at how a small change in history could have affected the whole world, I sat up and took notice, not realizing that it wouldn’t be a re-imagining so much as a reshuffling.

While not technically a What If…? book, Bullet Points nonetheless can be summed up in one of their traditional titles: “What If There Had Been No Captain America?" In the original continuity, the doctor who developed the super soldier serum responsible for turning scrawny Steve Rogers into the Sentinel of Liberty (is it obvious I’ve read a lot of comics?) is gunned down only moments after the transformation has been completed, taking the secret of the serum to the grave with him. Writer J. Michael Straczynski (of whom I am normally a fan) posits that, if said scientist had been killed just 24 hours earlier then the world would have turned out quite differently, and I’m sure he’s right. Rogers never would have become Captain America, and that would have surely lead to any number of events playing out completely differently, especially when you consider what an effect Cap had on the Avengers later on.

But the problem is that we don’t see characters who would have become super heroes leading a normal life instead, or totally new people picking up the mantle in their place, or whole new heroes coming into being to fill the void. Instead, everyone just swaps places. Since he can’t be Captain America, Steve Rogers becomes Iron Man (in a suit that, despite having not been designed by Tony Stark, nonetheless looks exactly like the one designed by Tony Stark). When the aforementioned scientist is gunned down, Peter Parker’s uncle Ben is also killed by the bullet, leaving him to grow up without that influence. So he doesn’t become Spider-Man, he becomes… the Hulk? Yes, everyone just trades off. Reed Richards takes Nick Fury’s place, Bruce Banner becomes Spider-Man (again in the exact same costume, even though Peter had nothing to do with it), Stephen Strange becomes Wolverine (or not, because later we see that Wolverine is Wolverine and Strange is really only mentioned in one page, making it completely pointless in addition to being a dumb idea) and all the other characters stay exactly the same because we just couldn’t be bothered to deal with them. In the end Galactus shows up and the only vaguely interesting point on the five issue series ensues when a world with no Fantastic Four must find a way to stop their planet from being devoured. Good old Galactus. You can always count on him to spruce up a sagging storyline.

While this could all be considered kind of a cute idea, the fact that it spanned well over 100 pages makes it drag badly, and helps to highlight the ridiculousness of it all. Perhaps if it had been condensed into a single issue, the rapid pace would have served to alleviate some of my eye-rolling. Maybe they could have done it as, oh, I don’t know, an issue of What If…??

Suitable for kids?: Yeah, sure, but I’m not sure the art will appeal to them. Or, you know, the story either.

Rating: 2/5