He Just Doesn't Sound Like a Real Alien Now...

Guess I got burned out on this after that ridiculous Australia account. But, I'm back.

So, my 2nd grade students (who would be 8th graders in the USA) have finished their textbook early. The other teachers were shocked when I said that I don't actually remember ever finishing a textbook. I mean, what's wrong with us? Isn't the information at the end important? Isn't it the culmination of everything you've learned the whole year and thereby designed to set you up for the further learning you'll receive the next year? Yeah sure it is, but whatever. So I didn't learn about American History past Nixon until I was... oh wait, I had to do that on my own. Man, what is wrong with us?

Anyhow, point being that since we got done quickly, they thought it would be nice to reward the students by allowing them to watch an American movie which the textbook used to teach some grammar. "E.T. and Elliott become best friends." "It's the most moving science fiction movie." Yes, the superlative grammar point was taught by using E.T. so we are watching it now. But, the video tape they were able to rent is dubbed in Japanese which has been a pretty weird thing to watch. I haven't seen the movie in a long time, and to see it now in Japanese is definitely odd. "E.T. ouchi denwa" just doesn't seem as right as "E.T. phone home." You know what I mean?

But, and here's where I really go off on a tangent, this doesn't bother me. See, they rented a newer video tape which means this is the E.T. Special Edition that was released just a year or two ago. Usually I'm a fan of the Special Editions because it means cleaning up the video quality and, if it's a DVD, including cool stuff like Deleted Scenes and Commentary. But Spielberg decided to go the George Lucas Special Edition route which means actually altering the movie itself. Yes, he thought it would be better if he used some CGI effects to make E.T. more expressive. And while we're at it, we don't really want federal agents holding guns while the kids fly off in their bikes. Federal agents don't use guns! Especially not when kids are involved! So, let's change those to walkie talkies, which will look like they're sort of floating in the guys hands because they're not really there.

I hate this. I hated it when Lucas did it to Star Wars and I hate it in E.T. Lucas and Spielberg can spend all day thinking that these are their movies and that they can do whatever they want to with them, but they're wrong. These are NOT their movies. They're OURS. Star Wars didn't become a long-lasting cultural phenomenon because George Lucas willed it, it happened because millions of fans all over the world loved it and supported it. We loved the movies the way they were and we didn't feel like they needed to be changed. We loved E.T. back in 1982 and we never thought it didn't look good enough. If we had it wouldn't have been one of the world's most popular movies ever. This is the same kind of thinking that got Ted Turner to colorize movies which, if you'll notice, he doesn't do any more. I mean, why not change some other old movies? That scene at the end of Casablanca? Let's put some more panes around so it looks more like a real airfield. And Olivier's Hamlet? Let's digitally add in more buildings in the background so it really looks like ancient Denmark. And ooh, ooh, CGI blood spurting out whenever someone dies in The Seven Samurai. That would make it a better movie.

But, okay, Lucas and Spielberg are nutty and they want to "reward" us by giving us something new to look at. I can accept that. I saw the Star Wars Special Editions in the theater because I wanted to see the new stuff. Whatever. But what really pisses me off is the actual disdain they must have for the people who made these movies what they are. The fact that Lucas has said that he will never release the original versions of Star Wars on DVD is just that, disdain. Star Wars Special Edition wasn't a movie that got people everywhere playing with toys and dressing up like fools. That was Star Wars. And to tell us that we are not allowed to buy it is an insult. Release both versions and make more money! What's wrong with that? What, the guy who gave us Jar Jar Binks is somehow concerned about his artistic integrity? Who the hell are you kidding?

So, I will never buy Star Wars on DVD even though I would like to have it, because it's not really Star Wars. It's not the movie I grew up with and loved. And that should be my option. Instead, as a feeble attempt to lash out at the man I feel has betrayed me, I will download it and try to let others do the same thing from me. If he puts out the real movie I will buy it and immediately delete the Special Edition from my computer (because I'd never want to watch again anyhow). As for E.T., same deal. Don't take something people have loved for multiple generations, slap some crappy CGI in it, and then tell us it's better and we wouldn't want the original anyhow.

On the bright side, I understood nearly all of E.T. even though it was only in Japanese, which felt pretty good.