Monday's Lunch: Fish... again

Okay, so I obviously missed Friday's school lunch, but I have a good reason: I didn't have one. See, usually on Fridays I go to the elementary school for the day, with the exception of about an hour spent next door at the kindergarten. So, I eat the elementary's lunch, which as I mentioned before is the same as junior high's. However, every once in a great while, and this past Friday was one of them, I spend the whole day at kindergarten and I have to bring my own lunch. I don't mind so much. It's a shorter day and I like a good sandwich and salad combination once in a while. But, unfortunately, this past Friday was curry and rice day and that's probably my favorite lunch here. It's not just me though; that lunch consistently ranks in the top three (usually number one) during the annual lunch survey held by the School Lunch Center. Liesje did get to eat the curry and was kind enough to send me a photo (taken with her cell phone):And to add insult to injury, they even got ice cream with it. That's what the little blue thing up top is. *Sigh*

Well, since I missed Friday I decided to go ahead and do today's, Monday's, instead. And I'm glad I did since this was a very typical lunch. [And for the record, I forgot my digital camera so these were also taken with my cell phone.]


Yes, this is an excellent example of the standard Japanese school lunch in many different ways. Allow me to go into a bit more detail...

Main Dish: Sanma no Kabayaki (Broiled Pikefish)

Sanma is one of many dishes that I had eaten several times before ever bothering to look it up in my dictionary (usually at the behest of a Japanese person). And when I do, I realize that I haven't got any better an idea what it is than I did before I looked it up. Is a pikefish tasty? Do we even eat them in America? I don't know.

This is probably the only thing we get here, other then the Japanese "omelets", that I actually don't like. Today's was far better than normal because there was a sauce on top and it was a smaller piece than usual. See, another problem with sanma is just the way it's prepared. They tend to chop off the ends of the fish and then cook it as is. So, the skin is still on and the bones are definitely still inside. I usually take the extra time to pick the skin off of the fish myself. I don't consider myself a picky eater, it's just something I prefer. I have seen other teachers do it here as well, but today I was the only one out of nine people who didn't eat the skin. I also usually take some time to pick the bones out, at least the ones I can see. I know they are cooked enough that they have been softened. I've been told this time and again, even by elementary school kids (who eat them with no hesitation). Again, I'm just not a fan of fish bones. Thanks.

But, like I said, today's was better than normal. The skin came off easily and there were very few bones. And since it was a small piece the whole experience was over quickly. I just don't think that's how you should approach your lunch. And the fact they we get this fish at least once a month (usually twice) casts a shadow upon school lunch that cannot be removed.


Side Dish: Kiriboshi Daikon no Nitsuke (Thinly Cut and Dried Daikon Boiled Hard With Soy Sauce)

Every bit as delicious as the name makes it sound. By the way, "boiled hard" doesn't mean that they only boil it a bit so it's still hard. It means that they boil it hard in order to crush its spirit. Yes, let's take some radish (that's essentially what a daikon is), cut it into strips and then boil it with a dash of soy sauce until it's completely limp and flavorless. Let's also take some tofu and fry that, but then boil it as well to remove any life it might have had. And finally, for color, we can boil some carrots in there. Make sure they haven't got any taste in them when they come out!

I actually pulled out a few of the carrot slices and ate them separately, and they still didn't have any flavor. As much as I hate to say it, this is what I expect from the side dishes in my school lunch. Something with no flavor and a texture that can best be described as "would make good brains or guts for kids to stick their hands in, while not looking, at a haunted house". I get something like this two or three times a week.

Soup: Shirotama Mochi Nyuu Sawani Wan (Sawani [a kind of fish] Soup With White Mochi Balls)


I like mochi. I think it's really pretty good, when prepared correctly. Mochi is what would have happened if someone had made marshmallows out of rice instead of sugar. It would be much more cohesive and heavier, and wouldn't be sweet at all. It's kind of fun to eat, and it's really chewy. It is not, however, bursting with flavor. That's why you typically eat mochi with something on top of it. Sweet bean paste or something of the sort. It is also put into soups, like it was today. But obviously, since it's really just rice that was made with too much water and cooked for far too long, it can't be the centerpiece of the soup. It can't give any flavor to a soup, it can only interact with what the soup already has.

That's why today's soup was not so great. I guess there was supposed to be fish in there. I didn't really notice, so perhaps it was more of a base or maybe it was finely shredded. I did notice the mushroom and burdock; two more things that aren't bursting with flavor. And while I enjoyed eating the mochi like always, it was diminished a bit by being part of such a lousy soup. Again, this is not atypical at all. We get soup like this all the time.

Bonus: Orange

But at least I had some oranges to pick me up when everything was over. No matter how many bones are in the fish, or how slimy the side dish is, or how bland the soup may be, having fruit always makes the meal end on a high note. I mean, you can't mess up oranges, right? All you have to do is pluck and cut. That's it!

And here's where my aforementioned time in Florida bites me on the behind. My last bite of my last school lunch for this blog, and it's a disappointment. I don't think I've ever had oranges this flavorless in my entire life. And considering that this week saw the best citrus I've had in Japan, that's especially disappointing. Still, it only makes sense. Going out like this is sort of poetically perfect for this little project. These oranges sum up what school lunch is all about here: Not bad, but disappointing.

Total Calories: 758

That's is for the week of lunches. I'll write up a summary and wrap-up in a day or two so check back for that.

Thursday's Lunch: Eggs

Oh, lucky you! You get to see one of my least favorite lunches of all time! Not only do we get one of Japan's most egregious takes on Western food, we also get... bread! According to the menu, this is a "butter roll":
I imagine them using one stick of butter for every 5000 of these they made, because that is about how much butter taste makes it into the final product. Basically, it's just a big lump of white bread, but without even the paltry serving of jam we got on Tuesday.

And it doesn't get much better from there...

Main Dish: Omuretsu no Mariana Sosu (Omelet with Mariana Sauce)

This is quite possibly the perfect example of the Japanese adopting things from the West with no real understanding of them. From what I can gather, Japanese people enjoy their version of omelets, so more power to them. For me, it falls near the lower end of "I can eat it if I have to", just barely coming in above "Only if I'm starving". Have you ever had the eggs you get in microwavable breakfasts? The ones that are lifeless and floppy and give you some doubt as to whether or not they actually came from a chicken at all? Well, get a big chunk of those (no, don't break them up or fluff them in any way that might make them look a bit more appetizing), cover it in what is essentially watery ketchup, and then throw some soggy onion strips on top. Voila! Japanese Omelet! What? How is this an omelet at all? There's nothing in it. It's just bad eggs formed into the shape of a croissant. Sadly, this thing shows up on my lunch tray about once a month. As a bonus, you can get little chunks of the same eggs on top of rice at every sushi restaurant in Japan. Because, yeah, when I go out to eat some delicious fish and seafood, I'd like to chase it down with some cold Egg Beaters product. Yeah. Sure.

Side Dish: Sotei (Sauté)

Why this dish is called sauté was not only beyond me, but every other teacher in the room as well. What part of this was sautéed? The whole thing? I find that hard to believe. Considering the only meat in it was actually fish, and even then it was chikuwa (a kind of steamed fish paste), I don't think sautéing came into the picture at all here. Besides the non-sautéed fish paste, it also included bean sprouts, cauliflower and green peppers. Overall, the dish wasn't too bad although they used a bit too much pepper. Actually, now that I think about it, pepper was about all you could taste. Maybe they just forgot to sauté it and threw pepper in instead? We may never know.

Soup: ABC Soup

Pretty much what it sounds like: soup with little pieces of pasta shaped like the alphabet. I have always wondered why they don't have soup with Japanese characters here. Maybe they're too complicated to turn into pasta. Anyhow, this is like a mediocre chicken noodle soup, but with shrimp instead of chicken. You get the little macaronis, shrimp, parsley, carrots and celery. Nothing exciting, but almost the highlight of the meal. Fortunately, I got to finish off with...

Bonus: Iyokan (Tangerine)

Recently there was some discussion in the mailing list for Miyagi Prefecture JETs about what to call different versions of oranges here. Is a mikan an orange? A tangerine? A mandarin orange? A clementine? Or should we call it a mikan all the time? The iyokan didn't come up in the discussion, and it's not in my dictionary either, so I'm calling it a tangerine, because that's what I thought it was until I looked at the menu afterwards. So, yeah, just imagine a tangerine. Pretty tasty, but as I mentioned on Monday, citrus is overall disappointing here as compared to Florida. Still, after the above meal (especially that stupid omelet) this was the best part of lunch today.

Total Calories: 821

It's hard to decide which lunch I liked less: yesterday's or today's. At least today I had the tangerine and the soup, whereas yesterday was completely devoid of any kind of flavor at all. Despite my genuine dislike for the omelet (keep in mind this did not stop me from eating it), I think I will have to say yesterday's bland meal was worse. However, these are both very common school lunches here. Lucky me.

Wednesday's Lunch: Fish

Today was a very typical school lunch for me, meaning that it can be summed up in one word: bland. Probably the tastiest thing about it was the rice, and then only because it was special rice. We get a little metal tin of plain white rice every day except on very rare occasions. Maybe twice a year we get something a little different. Today we had hijiki rice. Remember hijiki from Monday? The type of seaweed? Well, it's back and it (along with a couple of mystery elements I couldn't identify) has been mixed into our rice to add a bit of flavor. Take a look:

I know it doesn't look exciting, and it's not, but compared to everything else...

Main Dish: Katsuo Yakihitashi (Fried Bonito)

Bonito is a kind of fish, for those of you who may not know (I certainly wouldn't have). Actually, it's a kind of mackerel. The name here means that it has been dipped and fried (not deep-fried, mind you). What was it dipped in? I can't say, but I would guess soy sauce if I had to. This isn't something we have particularly often. At least, I don't think so anyhow. We have a non-descript piece of fish for our main dish so regularly that it's hard to keep them straight. It tastes all right though, and has maintained a bit more of the fishy flavor than Monday's tuna, which is kind of nice. Not bad, but nothing I would ever order off of a menu.

Side Dish: Ohitashi (Soy Spinach)

So, I could taste some soy on the fish, but when I eat the dish that is specifically supposed to be seasoned with soy sauce I don't even notice it. Hmmm... This name is a little misleading in other ways because spinach was probably the most minor of all the ingredients. There were definitely more bean sprouts in there than spinach. I genuinely like the flavor of spinach which has worked out well for me since we have it at least once a week. Too bad this dish didn't taste like spinach. Or anything else for that matter.

Soup: Maitake Jiru (Maitake Mushroom Soup)

When the broth is the tastiest ingredient in your soup, you have failed at making soup. This contained two types of bland mushrooms and some tofu. Yeah, tofu can be really good. It is remarkable at absorbing the flavors of whatever you cook it with. Of course, if the things it's being cooked alongside of are also flavorless, then you just get some floppy, bland, white stuff. There was also a slice of sasakama, which is the little flowery looking thing. This is a small disc shaped item made from kamaboko (steamed fish paste) that you almost always see in soup here. I like them, although there are plenty of people who can't stand to eat it (Liesje included). But somehow, today's soup was so boring it sapped what little flavor the sasakama might normally have right out of it. This kind of soup (and its several, nearly identical, mushroom-based friends) is a mainstay of school lunch here. I would say I eat something basically like this twice a week. No wonder they drink their soup here instead of using a spoon; they just want to be done with it.

Total Calories: 633

As usual, there was nothing in today's lunch that I disliked and I was able to eat everything with no trouble. However, this was a very typical lunch in that there was also nothing in it that I actually liked either. Something basically the same as this is served at least once a week, and I've had similar lunches three times in five days before. This is the chili-mac of Japanese school lunch: fried fish with soy, spinach and something else, mushroom and tofu soup. So boring. Soooo booooring.

Tuesday's Lunch: Shrimp

Since today is Tuesday, we get bread instead of rice. For about my first year and a half here, the school secretary made onigiri (rice balls) every Tuesday and Thursday so everyone could get their carbohydrates from a more traditionally Japanese source. However, she transferred out last year and we didn't get a replacement so now it's either eat bread or no carbs for you! Some teachers do choose the "no carbs" route on bread day. It's true.

And sometimes I can't blame them. Two pieces of plain white bread and enough jam to cover half of one of them? Yeah, not so great. I think that many Japanese people assume that, since they eat plain white rice, we must eat plain white bread! Take a look at today's bread:
It's like a big hot dog bun, but with no slit in it. Then it comes with a packet of blueberry jam. Where are we supposed to put it? I always tear it open down the side as best as I can and put the jam in it that way. Other teachers tear off a mouthful and put a little jam on each bite before they eat it. Either way, it's kind of goofy. Even still, it's nice to get a break from the rice. And this jam had extra fiber! Anyhow, on to today's lunch...

Main Dish: Ebi Katsu (Fried Shrimp Patties)

"Katsu" is a shortening of the transliteration of the English word "cutlet" (it becomes "katsuretto" and then just "katsu"). The most common kind of katsu is tonkatsu, or pork cutlets. That may just sound like a bit of meat to you, but it includes the meaning of being breaded and deep-fried here. So, tonkatsu is usually translated at "deep-fried pork cutlets". Of course, that doesn't work well for shrimp, since a shrimp cutlet is kind of ridiculous. But since the shrimp is made into a patty and then breaded and fried in basically the same way, and since the vast majority of Japanese people probably have no idea where the word katsu even comes from, we get to have shrimp katsu, or ebi katsu. It was tasty. Nothing to write home about. Actually, it probably could have used a bit of sauce. Still, a nice main dish for the day and not something we see very often.

Side Dish: Chuuka Ae (Chinese Mix)

I was actually surprised when I looked up the name for this after eating it, and to be honest I've had this several times. Nothing about it says "Chinese" to me. But if the Japanese version of Chinese is as accurate as the Japanese version of Italian tends to be, this dish might have originally been roasted lamb sandwiches for all I know. It was actually quite simple. Just a combination of some small strips of roasted ham, bean sprouts, cucumber and some chanpon-men (a kind of thin, clear noodles). Pretty good to be honest. But did we really need more noodles in there considering what the soup is? I wonder if the simple "just mix some stuff together and call it Chinese" methodology here is why we get this one often?

Soup: Miso Ramen

I'm assuming everyone knows what ramen noodles are. Although we tend to associate them with the cheap, instant kind, they are just a type of noodle in Japan and they are infinitely better here. Today's ramen noodle soup was a miso base, at least according to the menu. I couldn't taste it. In with the ramen we also got some boiled pork, cabbage, carrots, onions, corn, scallions and kikurage mushrooms (again, I'm trusting the menu here because I didn't see any mushrooms anywhere). This was pretty good too and not too salty, which the soup tends to be. Ramen tends to be a bit of a treat since it's something people actually want to eat, and not something we see too often. Maybe only a few times a year.

Total Calories: 760

Although the bread was nothing to write home about (and yet I am), today's lunch was another good one. Not a meal I would normally mention, but for school lunch I certainly can't complain.

Monday's Lunch: Fish

Every day our school lunch is made up of three basic components: a main dish (usually fish or meat), a side dish (usually vegetables) and a soup. This is not set in stone, but 99% of the time that's what we get. In addition to that we get a carton of milk and then either rice (Mon., Wed., Fri.) or bread (Tues., Thurs.). That basic pattern will probably be what you see all week, and today is no exception.

Main Dish: Maguro no Goma-Miso Kake (Tuna with a Sesame-Miso Sauce)

This was pretty tasty actually. The sauce on top was applied lightly, which is a rarity here. For some reason Japanese people tend to slather whatever topping they're using all over their food. Something that will probably come up time and again this week is that they are all about simple flavors being brought out strongly. It's not uncommon for food here to be salty or bitter or sweet, and that's all there is to it with little or no depth. Today, however, the fish was quite tasty, although a bit saltier than it needed to be. The flavor of the tuna was lost a bit but not bad for a school lunch.

Side Dish: Hijiki no Nimono (Boiled Seaweed)

According to my dictionary, "hijiki" is "a kind of edible seaweed that grows in clusters in rocky areas along the coastlines". It tastes better than it sounds. Still, this falls into this large category of foods I have tried since coming to Japan that are neither good nor bad, just edible. I can eat it no problem when it's part of a meal put in front of me, but I'm never going to choose to eat it. There are some carrots and beans thrown in for good measure, to make it a little more interesting. Emphasis on "little".

Soup: Tonjiru (Pork Soup)

The name sounds funny in English, I know. It's basically just some boiled pork, carrots, potatoes, tofu and daikon (a large Japanese radish). Pretty tasty, but again saltier than it needed to be. I've had tonjiru several times and I genuinely like it, despite not being a big fan of daikon. When the daikon is boiled or cooked into something it's fine. But sometimes you'll just have cold, shredded daikon (occasionally as a topping) and that's not something I enjoy. This soup, on the other hand, was quite tasty.

Bonus: Grapefruit

Just a slice of grapefruit, although there was extra so I got two slices. Nothing really worth mentioning. I thought this was some of the best grapefruit I've had here, but coming from Florida I've found citrus to be generally lacking here in Japan.

Extra Bonus: Yogurt

This wasn't part of the school lunch officially, but something the school nurse whipped up. A little over two weeks ago she apparently decided that too much milk was going to waste from students not drinking it, so she began saving it and making yogurt. I don't remember ever having plain yogurt before this. It was only about five years ago that I even realized there was such a thing. Before that I kind of assumed that vanilla yogurt was plain yogurt. This stuff is good, but we've been having it every day for nearly three weeks now, so it's getting a little old.

Total Calories: 822

Overall, today was a good lunch. Part of me is hoping we get something nasty this week to make this more interesting, but mostly I'd rather everyday be something good like today. As interesting as an overcooked, pregnant, whole fish might be for you to see, I'd be just fine if I didn't have to eat it.

A Week With My Lunch

I should probably point out at the onset that this may very well be completely uninteresting to everyone. However, since I can imagine someone finding it amusing, or even actually fascinating (I suppose that person could be out there), and, primarily, because I think it will be fun for me I'm going to barrel right ahead.

Starting next week I'm going to be posting pictures of my school lunch each day along with a description of the food and a basic review of how good it was. Anyone not living in Japan might find this interesting as an example of, not just Japanese food, but exactly what school lunch is like here. And for those of you in Japan, well, maybe you can just compare my school lunch to yours and gloat about how much better off you are. Unless you're Jeff. His school lunch sucks.

So, that's all going to be starting on Monday, but I figured it would be a good idea to spend a little time today talking about the basics of how school lunch works here.

First of all, I'd say the biggest difference between school lunch in Japan and in the States is that, here, everyone eats it. Every single student in the school eats the lunch whether they want to or not. No one brings anything from home. They're not allowed to. I suppose this could be considered one of the advantages of a uni-cultural country: everyone likes the same food. There are no vegetarians or people with religious dietary restrictions. I suppose there might be some of that in Tokyo or other very large cities, but for the most part it just doesn't exist. Because of this, we JETs are also expected to eat the school lunch. If the students were to see us eating whatever they want, they would feel it was unfair and that they, too, should be able to eat what they want. If you came on the JET Program as a vegetarian or Muslim or Jew, well, suck it up. You can either learn to eat it, learn to be hungry, or start keeping snacks in your desk. Since I can eat just about anything you put in front of me, I don't mind. But for others, this insistence on conformity can be a little more difficult to swallow.

Now, this isn't 100%. My girlfriend, for example, simply told her school that she wouldn't be getting school lunch any more. She didn't like it at all and was hardly eating anything each day, leaving her extremely hungry for the last few hours of work. They accepted this (begrudgingly) at her junior high school, but she still has to eat the school lunch at Elementary school, which, of course, led to a lot of red tape concerning how to charge her for eating at one school and not another. (I found that amusing since the same office charges me separately for my junior high and elementary lunches and has been doing so for quite some time.) She has also been pretty well shunned from eating with the other teachers, but I don't think she really minded that too much.

That's probably the second big difference about lunch here: the absence of a lunch room. The students eat at their desks in their homeroom with their homeroom teacher, and the teachers either eat at their desk or they gather in the meeting room (or somewhere similar). In my school, we all gather in the meeting room. Everyone trickles in as they can, but we all wait for every person to finish before we get up and clean everything up.

Of course, not only is there no lunch room, there's no cafeteria. At least, not at my school. Some have them, and some don't. But not having a cafeteria is pretty common here. Our lunches are delivered everyday from the Kurihara City School Lunch Center. They drop everything off in the morning and pick it up in the afternoon. This is the cleanup we have to do. We have to get everything packed back into the giant metal containers so the trucks can take it away and fill it with more lunch the next day.

Other than that, school lunch is school lunch. It varies a bit from place to place, but you probably get the basic idea. It costs me 290 yen per day, which at the moment is about $2.40 US. I pay this at the end of the month and it usually comes out to somewhere around 5000 yen ($42) I think.

And that's my kyuushoku in a nut shell. For a more in-depth analysis of the sometimes awesome, usually bland, occasionally terrible food I have to eat Monday through Friday whether I like it or not, tune in next week.

Blowing in the Wind

The Japanese Teacher of English (JTE) that I work with, Mr. Okanobu, is pretty good at English. At least, he's better than any of the other JTEs I have worked with in the past. Still, he makes mistakes, and occasionally these mistakes are amusing. Once in a while, they're even worth remembering and telling people about.

Today we were going through a bland, soul-crushingly boring story called "The Fall of Freddie the Leaf" with the 9th graders. As far as I can tell, this story was included in the textbook to continue the depressing atmosphere in the English classroom that was created in the 8th grade textbook when we had to teach A Mother's Lullaby. That story centered on a young girl and boy slowly dying after the bombing of Hiroshima. Then the next year they get a story about a leaf which includes the line (and this is a direct quote), "Everything dies." And yet, the kids aren't that excited to come to English class...

So, after a brief respite from the drudgery during which a student made a joke about Freddie the leaf being Freddy from A Nightmare on Elm Street, the leaf (slicing off heads as he slowly floats to the ground) we got down to the business of examining the story grammatically. Near the end of the story, when Freddie finally dies, there is a sentence that reads, "Some of the leaves were blown off by a strong cold wind." In order to help explain how the sentence works, my JTE changed it to, "Mr. Kevin was blown off by a strong cold wind." He then blew some air at me. I, in my usual clown-like manner, pretended to have been blown against the wall by this. Two students grinned. Fun was had by all.

Anyhow, the point to all of this is that Mr. Okanobu then looked over at one of the better students, named Hikaru. He then looked right at me and said, "Mr. Kevin, please blow off Hikaru."



For the record, I did not.

So, I've had this comic book in my head for a loooong time. Actually, the genesis was when I was only 12 years old. At the time, it was pretty much an X-Men rip-off, but I think there were some good ideas in there. Over the years I kept trying to tweak the story as I got older and realized it wasn't very good. Eventually (when I was in college), I finally realized it was fundamentally flawed and I needed to completely rewrite it instead of trying to fix it. A friend (my old roommate Kevin Savage) gave me the idea of focusing on this one character, who was actually kind of minor in what I had before. That character, named Vince because he is inVINCible (come on, I was 12) has been alive since the dawn of civilization and can't die. So, the book follows him, jumping around in time and showing how he affected history and how history affected him at different times.

Well, that's what been in my head forever and ever but I never found anyone to draw it. Until I met Liesje here in Japan. She was actually excited about it and pushed me to write a couple of pages so we could do them for the Art show they hold here in Miyagi every year. The amazing thing is that I did write them and she drew them and now they exist. These are intended to be two "prequel" pages that take place right before the beginning of issue one.

We've had to put it on the back burner for now because of other things like the MAJET play, the short film we just made, and The Drum (the Miyagi magazine we work on). But it will happen. Oh yes, it will.

Anyhow, figured I'd post the two pages here. Today you get page 1. And at some point in the future I will put #2 up.

o Well, for some of you it may seem like it's been a while (because it has) and for some of you this may feel like your very first issue of The Drum ever (because it is)! A lot of people are coming back to The Drum after a nice summer vacation. Perhaps you even traveled out of the country, so you also had to come back to Japan. Maybe just out of the area, so you had to come back to Miyagi. Either way, you second and third years have all had to go back to work, just as all of your students have had to go back to school. And hey, did you notice we accidentally put the whole issue together backwards? The pages still read like they normally would (that's left to right for those of you not paying attention), they're just in reverse order. Going from... wait for it... back to front.
And it's because of all of these myriad and, let's be honest here, trite ways that I can shoehorn the word "back" into this editorial that you now hold in your hands The Drum's All New Back Issue! "How can a back issue be all new?" you may ask. "Isn't the very definition of 'back issue' an issue that is not current, and therefore not new?" you may also ask. "Isn't this just another of your horribly weak attempts at comedy?" you may then inquire. And I will say, "No! This is absolutely not another of my weak attempts at comedy!"

It's Kennard's. Blame him.

My weak attempt at comedy is on page 16. Blame me for that one.

Anyhow, our regular features are ba-... I mean, returning. Heather's From the Land of Near Noon is here with another couple of great entries. And Geekin' Out is also here with a decidedly non-technical article. We've also got a very special version of He Said, She Said, our regular movie reviews, and something to do with Babyback Ribs. (Come on, you didn't see that one coming?) On the completely useless side is the Back to the Future article featuring interviews from tomorrow! And on the much more useful end of the spectrum we have advice for your next Disney vacation and a tutorial on how to use Bit Torrent. Once you're hooked up to Bit Torrent, check out the new season of TV Shows by using our handy guide.

And last, but certainly not least, be sure to read all about this year's MAJET Panto on page 5. This is an amazing event that MAJET sponsors every year, but we they need your help to do it! So, go check it out and get involved. Trust me, this is one of the things that people talk about for the rest of the year.

So, it's great to be back, even if it did take us longer than expected. Keep those submissions coming and let's make this the best year of The Drum ever!

Kevin Davies
Editor In Chief

Now that we've established my absolute willingness to whore myself in any way possible in order to make a connection with this month's theme, let's go BACK and revisit some classic movies and see how they've aged.
And by "classic" I mean "stuff from when I was a kid". Except for the ones I saw as an adult. I guess "classic" just means "made before the year 2000".

(Note: I downloaded every one of these movies through Bit Torrent (See page 16 for details!) so you should have no trouble getting any of them.)

Lost Boys (1987)
Listen to the names of the cast for this one: Corey Haim, Corey Feldman, Keifer Sutherland. Okay, now go wash the 80s off of you. I mean, damn, there are two Goonies in there for crying out loud! This movie is absolutely dripping with the 80s. The soundtrack alone will give you an intense desire to buy a lot of hairspray. This is not to say it's bad. There's some reasonably cool vampire stuff in here. It's definitely fun to see Bill of Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure take a stake through the heart. And while the movie gets a little confused when it tries to switch from comedy to horror and back again (and again, and again), it's actually held up better than a lot of monster movies.
Final verdict: Worth revisiting, if you're a fan of vampires and aren't afraid of revisiting the 80s full-force.

Conan the Barbarian (1982)
Dark Horse Comics recently started a new Conan comic book that takes the character back to his origins by recreating the original Robert E. Howard stories. Having been a fan of it for about a year, I decided I wanted to rewatch the Schwarzenegger Conan movies that I loved so much as a little boy, beginning with the classic Conan the Barbarian. Man, what a piece of crap. It starts by reducing most of his life to simply pushing a grist mill. Somehow this tedious action turns him into a super-buff and extremely well toned man, who also knows how to sword fight better than anyone. Huh? Then, it's simply downhill from there. You may get a moment of excitement when you find out James Earl Jones is playing the villain, but the movie will be putting you back to sleep momentarily. It's almost unbelievable how boring this mo... *snore*
Final verdict: Stay away!

Conan the Destroyer (1984)
After seeing how bad the first one truly was, I'm not even sure what convinced me to sit through the sequel. Especially since it is commonly accepted that Destroyer is nowhere near as good as Barbarian. Good lord, how is that possible? Well, I'm glad I did watch it because the common knowledge in this case is bollocks. Destroyer is much faster paced than the original, and also takes itself a bit less serious (which helps, believe me). The addition of a posse for Conan actually works, and one of them is Grace Jones! How weird is that? Basically, the second movie just speeds things along nicely and gives you the cheesy sword and sorcery movie you're looking for.
Final verdict: Worth revisiting if you're into the fantasy stuff and don't mind starting with a sequel.

The Breakfast Club (1985)
John Huston really knew how to make 80's teen angst seem really interesting. And that's a good thing because otherwise setting an entire movie in a library and having the plot simply be "kids from different cliques get to know each other a little better" would have been a snoozefest. But the actors are pretty strong (not surprising since they were the Brat Pack and all went on to successful careers) and the writing isn't too ridiculous. Some scenes are awfully hard to swallow, but overall it's a pretty good movie. And although the ending seems really trite with everyone becoming good friends, take a closer look. Which girl does the nerd end up with?
Final verdict: Worth revisiting, if for no other reason than to get all of the references that are made to this movie. "You want another one?" "Yeah!"

48 Hours (1982)
Nick Nolte as a hard-boiled cop. Eddie Murphy in his debut role as a prisoner. They don't like each other, but they've got to work together. What could possibly stop this from being a great movie? Well, for starters you could not make it a comedy! Yeah, that would screw it up for sure. Then you could have some really, reeaally fake fight scenes, a lot of gratuitous breast shots, a few boring car chases and a plot that never even leaves the apartment, much less goes anywhere. Yep, that would definitely make this kinda suck.
Final verdict: Kinda sucks. Wouldn't bother if I were you.

Police Academy (1984)
How many of these did they eventually make? Eight? Ten? Not to mention the TV series and the cartoon (Oh yeah, you thought I forgot about the cartoon didn't you? I even remember the action figures!). So, the first one must have been really funny to kick off a franchise that big. Right? Right?!? Yeah, not so much. The first half of the movie has barely any laughs in it, and those are almost all from Michael Winslow (the sound effects guy). Near the end you get a couple more and the big ones (Remember the commandant's speech and the surprise waiting in the podium?) are still pretty damn funny. But overall it's hard to see how this is a comedy classic.
Final verdict: If you're really in the mood for some comedy and can't find anything else except for Dane Cook stand-up, this is worth watching.

The Beastmaster (1982)
I went into this with fuzzy memories at best. There was a panther (I thought) and some ferrets. And a guy in a loincloth who could talk to them. That was about all I remembered. Having rewatched it, I can see why. More than any other movie on this list Beastmaster will have you thinking to yourself, "What were they thinking?" over and over. Rip Torn as the evil necromancer? A hero named Dar? Who immediately strips to his loincloth after seeing his family killed and runs off to avenge them? And then nearly rapes the first woman he lays eyes on? And can talk to any animal but chooses to limit it to just four? Including TWO ferrets? And a tiger (poorly) painted black to look like a panther? What were they thinking?
Final verdict: Yech. About the only thing this movie is good for is being made fun of. Although there's a danger you might die of exhaustion by doing so, since there are almost too many opportunities for that. Steer clear unless you're a group of serious Mystery Science Theater 3000 fans.

From: Kennard
To: Kevin (September 15th

Hey, I've got a great idea for the "Back" theme we've got going in this issue! I'm going to write something about BabyBACK Ribs! Get it!

From: Kevin
To: Kennard (October 16th)

So... where's that Babyback Ribs article I was promised? It's fine with me. You just have to actually write it.

From: Kennard
To: Kevin (October 16th)

Sorry, I am checking into the hospital for a little while and I won't be able to get to it. Maybe you can find someone else to do it?

From: Kevin
To: Jeff (October 17th)

Hey, Jeff. Listen, Kennard was going to write something about Babyback Ribs for the new issue of The Drum and now he can't. Unfortunately, Liesje has already laid out the cover and I'm committed. I don't care what it is as long as it has something to do with ribs. Can you help me out?

From: Jeff
To: Kevin (October 18th)

No problem. I hammered this out in about an hour last night. Let me know what you think!

A Brief and Definitive History of Baby Back Ribs

For the sake of simplification, the colloquialism “Ribs” will be referred to as the thorax of an ungulate (most likely swine) exposed to high temperatures and marinated for human consumption. The long and storied history of Baby Back Ribs begins with the common pig. One of the first mammals to be domesticated by early humans, and a member of the Chinese Zodiac, pigs have long supplied abundant joules of energy, fueling humanity ever forward into the future. Some even claim that without an increase in high calorie foods such as pork, the industrial revolution would have never taken place. After all, a successful civilization has yet to be built on carrots.

Surely, when discussing Ribs, the antediluvian subject of Barbecuing is not far behind. The term “Barbecue” itself is shrouded in mystery, conjuring cabalistic and eldritch images to the mind. Even the Etymology of “Barbeque” or the more arcane spelling “BBQ” is subject of intense scholarly debate. Some claim it comes from the Taíno word “Barabicu” which means “Sacred Fire Pit”. While most of the Barbeque community would agree the origins are decidedly Caribbean, disputes from The French and even The Australians further exacerbate discourse on this subject, as they claim to have invented it themselves.

By the end of the 20^th Century, the popularity Baby Back Ribs reached staggering heights thanks to American Restraunteur Chili’s ad Jingle “I Want My Baby Back Ribs (With Barbeque Sauce)”. Due to powerful market forces this overly quoted song made its way into American Cinema, as featured in the film “Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me (1999)”. The song was mimicked by populist comedian personality Mike Myers playing a character known as “The Fat Bastard”. This character was highly popular amongst high school students, especially in districts with low to middling standardized test scores. Despite this, Baby Back Ribs are still succulent, and satisfying. With spices to whet anyone’s appetite、delicious Baby Back Ribs are enjoyed on a daily basis by thousands of people all over the world. Unfortunately, Japan is not one of those places. Sorry!

From: Kevin

To: Jeff (October 20th)

Looks great! Thanks for the help!

From: Kevin

To: Liesje (October 20th)

Hey, this Ribs article isn't the slightest bit amusing or funny, so just bury it in the back of the magazine. The only reason I'm even publishing it is so we don't have to change the cover.

From: Kennard

To: Kevin (October 20th)

Hey, I got out of the hospital earlier than expected so I went ahead and wrote that Babyback Ribs article. Let me know what you think!

Traditional New Guinea Baby Back Ribs

Tired of the various pastas, hamburgers, or other default foods that you make at home? Well, to break the monotony, I’ll suggest a scrumptious recipe for baby back ribs from New Guinea using contemporary quick fixes and how to properly prepare and cook them.

Ingredients:

2lbs. baby back ribs

1 med. Acorn squash (1lb)

2 (18 oz.) jars baked beans

¼ c. ketchup

3 tbsp. maple syrup

2 tbsp. prepared mustard

Preparation:

Cut rack of ribs into 2 rib portions. In large skillet, heat ribs, covered with water, on high heat until boiling. Reduce heat to low and simmer for 40 minutes. Meanwhile, cut acorn squash into ¾” wedges. Drain ribs. Into same skillet, stir in baked beans, ketchup, syrup and mustard. Add ribs and squash wedges. Heat to boiling; reduce to low, cover and simmer until ribs and squash are fork tender, about 20 minutes. Stir occasionally. Makes 4 servings.

This looks like a simple and easy-to-do recipe and indeed is, however the receivers’ of this tasty meal, to keep New Guinea’s Fore tribe’s authenticity, is quite limited. First of all, the baby has to be female if you are to eat the ribs. Secondly, the only people traditionally allowed to eat the baby are: the sister, the brother’s wife, the mother’s brother’s wife, the sister’s son’s wife, and the baby’s female matrilateral cousin.

And so it goes if you wish to maintain Fore authenticity. It seems like there’s always that polite tape you just can’t seem to cross, and when you’d rather not I guess there’s always a McDonald’s nearby.

From: Liesje
To: Kevin (October 23rd)

Are you kidding? This isn't any better than Jeff's article. Not to mention the fact that we'll be offending who-knows-how-many people by even alluding to eating human children. Are you sure you want to publish this piece of crap? It'll take a little work, but I can change the cover.

From: Kevin
To: Liesje (October 23rd)

Yeah, you're right. Go ahead and change the cover. There's no way I'm putting either of these in The Drum. Even MAJET members don't deserve this.

Crazy Idea

So, this next post going up in a minute is an article I thought of almost immediately once we decided on what the current Drum issue's theme would be. As soon as I started thinking about "back" I went through Back to School, Back to Work and then Back to the Future. That quickly led me to think of this concept.

It's pretty simple. The idea is that a book of interviews with previous JETs has fallen back in time and into our hands, and then we publish a few of them. I wrote up some questions and sent them out to several people, letting them know that they were welcome to take the joke as far as they wanted. A lot of people didn't write back, but 4 did and then I added one from my head. See if you can figure out which one.

I think it turned out pretty well. Whether or not anyone else will find it funny is beyond me. But, as I have realized more and more in recent years, I don't really care either.

Oh, is this still here?

I've never been able to keep up with a diary. Never. I'm surprised I even started this blog, much less wrote more than two entires for it.

But now months and months have gone by and I'm back, because Google is always getting me to do stuff whether I like it or not.

See, my computer crashed recently, and the hard drive was not recoverable. And since I wasn't smart enough to bring my Windows CDs with me when I came to Japan, I ended up having to go with Linux as my operating system. Now, I know it probably has a fine and dandy word processor built in there, but I'm not familiar with it yet and I'm a little gunshy about losing stuff now.

Combine that with the fact that Google just integrated their word processor with Gmail and you can guess where I am typing stuff now. And after you type it, you have the opportunity to "publish" it on the internet. You have the option of publishing it somewhere and getting a link to it (which is almost assuredly gobbledygook), or publishing it to your blog. I did the latter because... I can?

I don't know why. I just felt like it. And now I think I'll probably be publishing everything I write in that processor on here. Right now it will likely just be stuff for The Drum (the Miyagi Prefecture JET Magazine that I am the Editor-in-Chief of) but who knows about later?

Doesn't matter though right? I mean, no one still reads this do they?

The New Fall Season of TV

With the temperature rapidly dropping and it getting dark around five in the afternoon, now is the time of year when many of us find ourselves spending more time at the kotatsu watching TV. And while Japanese TV is greatly entertaining for a little while, those 20 minutes probably ended some time back. Fortunately for us all, the internet has given us the ability to watch all of our favorite shows from back home through the wonder that is Bit Torrent. With whole seasons available for easy download, having missed a few episodes (or a few years' worth of episodes) is no reason not to check out some really great shows. And if you don't know how to use Bit Torrent, then you had better turn to page 16 right now!
Okay, you got it now? Well then, read on as we take a look at the best of this year's new television series!

JUSTICE
Yes, this is yet another courtroom drama. But surprisingly (extra surprising considering that it's produced by Jerry Bruckheimer), a reasonably worthwhile one. The main difference being that the lawyers here are not nearly as concerned with truth, facts or innocence as they are with perception. The show deals with how the media can be used as a tool to sway a jury's opinion one way or another. Some clever writing and pretty good acting keeps it afloat. And as an added bonus, at the end of each episode you get to see what really happened, which is a nice twist. Great popcorn TV.

STANDOFF
Kind of a modern day Moonlighting (Does anyone else even remember Moonlighting?), it revolves around a couple of police negotiators who are partners in more ways than one. The show is trying to walk a fine line, balancing light-hearted humor with tense negotiation scenes. So far, thanks primarily to Ron Livingston (the main guy from Office Space), it's done pretty well. There's still the questions of whether it can keep it up, and whether Livingston can carry the whole thing on his shoulders... Worth watching at least once.

STUDIO 60 ON THE SUNSET STRIP
My favorite show of the new season. Created by Aaron Sorkin (West Wing), it revolves around a Saturday Night Live style show that has become increasingly unfunny and has to be rescued by a couple of guys who were let loose years before due to... Well, let's just say there was a misunderstanding. While the show does occasionally make things a bit overly dramatic (It sometimes seems like events are just as important as those taking place in West Wing, which is, of course, ridiculous.), the dialogue is snappy, the acting is good and the direction is pretty well spot-on. If only the real SNL were anywhere near this good... Must see!

HEROES
Being a long-time comic book geek, I should be loving this show about unrelated people all over America (and one Japanese guy) suddenly and inexplicably developing super powers. I'm not sure why I'm not. It's good, and it's compelling and I keep tuning back in. But it lacks the "I can't wait" feeling that shows like Lost are so good at delivering. Still, all of the performances are solid and if the writers are willing to see this through it could be something great. Definitely worth checking out.

HELP ME HELP YOU
Whew, finally a comedy! Ted Danson (Sam from Cheers) is back to his sitcom roots as a relationship counselor who, predictably, can't save his own relationship. The show is mercifully not done in the old-school "live-studio audience" "3 walled room" format and is actually pretty funny. Danson still has the comic timing and the facial expressions to bring it all together when he's on screen, but the rest of the cast has yet to prove they've got what it takes to keep things going when he isn't. Still, funny stuff though. Definitely worth checking out.

30 ROCK
And another comedy. Seemingly similar to Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip at first glance, it only takes a moment to tell the two apart. Created by former Saturday Night Live member Tina Fey, 30 Rock is about a live comedy show that suddenly finds itself at the mercy of a new, cutthroat producer (played by Alec Baldwin, who does it perfectly). Unlike Studio 60 however, this show keeps it light. It's a half hour comedy and plays everything without the drama that would surely be present if these events actually took place. The timing on the jokes still seems a little off, but if they find their groove this will be a show to look forward to each week. Definitely worth checking out.

JERICHO
Okay, I actually think you should just check out this show's first episode and see for yourself why it's pretty interesting because I don't want to spoil the big surprise for you. So, if you're willing to just trust me on that and go watch it, then DON'T READ THE REST OF THIS DESCRIPTION!
But, if you couldn't help yourself, here we go. Jericho is about a young man returning to his home town (Guess what the town is called. Guess!) in an effort to get some money from his estranged father. When that doesn't work, he decides to leave again only to be faced with a mushroom cloud somewhere in the vicinity of Denver. From there, it's a question of what the townsfolk will do to survive. Oh, yeah, and the question of what the hell happened. Occasionally the show dips a bit too much into cliched elements (a school bus in danger, escaped convicts, etc.) but the writing is decent enough to keep it all together and the concept is rock solid. Definitely worth checking out.

OLD FAVORITES - Shows that aren't new, but that you should really be watching. Look for Torrents of entire seasons for these.

BATTLESTAR GALACTICA
Now entering it's third season, this Science-Fiction show is probably the best thing on TV. I know a lot of you are going to blanch at that, but that's just because you haven't seen it. Everyone who has is probably nodding their heads in agreement right now. You don't have to be an SF fan to love it, either. And the different levels the show works on make it possible to watch it as simply a shoot-'em-up space fight, or a deep meditation on the nature of life and religion. And that's not even getting into the politics... Absolutely Must See!!!

LOST
If you haven't been watching Lost, you had better start at the beginning because missing even a single episode will leave you scratching your head. Well, you'll be scratching it anyhow, but missing episodes might result in you actually hurting yourself you scratch so hard. While nothing ever seems to get resolved on the show, it remains compelling going into its third season now. Just in case you've been living under a rock, it's about the survivors of a plane crash who end up on a very strange island. And then stuff happens. Trust me, it's really good. Must See!!

THE OFFICE
While the original BBC version of this is rapidly becoming a classic and should definitely be watched, don't dismiss the American version out of hand. The first couple of episodes tried too hard to re-create the British show, but after that it began to take on a life of its own and has now become what is likely the best comedy on television (at least in the states). Each episode mostly stands on its own, but it's worth starting at the beginning so you don't miss out on any of the character growth. Must See!

Kindergarten Graduation

Okay, I don;t know about all of you but the only graduation I ever remember having was my high school graduation. I probably would remember my college graduation except I opted not to go. I mean, there are a gajillion students at UF and most of them are in the College of Liberal Arts and Science so my graduation ceremony would have been about 36 hours long, in summer, in Florida. Yeah, great idea.

Anyhow, I don't remember having anything happen in Middle School, and I certainly don't remember anything from Elementary. And Kindergarten? All I remember from Kindergarten was that we had to sit at an orange table when we were bad. And I only had to sit there once. So, you can imagine my amazement today as I attended to Kindergarten Graduation Ceremony here in Semine. My first surprise was right after I showed up and was gently chided for showing up in only a white shirt and necktie. I had not worn a suit jacket. It's Kindergarten. So, I had to borrow a jacket from the vice-principal of the Elementary in order to not look like a fool.

It began with each student coming out and bowing to the audience individually before moving to their seat. Next, the principal presented each kid with their diploma after which they received a small flower bouquet and then gave both of these to their mother. After each student had been called up, there were a couple of speeches. One from the principal. One from the head of the social center. And one from the mayor. Yes, the mayor. Then they called on all of the 'guests of honor' individually and each one said "Omedetou gozaimasu" which means "Congratulations" to which the students, of course, replies "Arigatou gozaimasu" which means "Thank you." That is, everyone except for me. It was getting almost comical how everyone was saying the same thing so I took the chance when I was called on (Yes, I was a 'guest of honor as well!) to say "Congratulations" in English. I quickly followed it with the Japanese version but the kids were already confused. Still, one little girl managed to get off a "Thank you" in English which got quite the reaction. I tried not to glow.

Then the kids sang us a couple songs and each spoke for a couple seconds about what they remember as something special from their time at Kindergarten. All in all it was a really nice ceremony and I can't help but feel almost ashamed. Maybe years and years from now when these kids finally get out of college they won't remember this day (of course there will be video if the group of fathers in the back with cameras is any indicator). Maybe I did have some little ceremony back when I was five and the memory has just faded away at this point. But even if something did happen, I know for a fact it wasn't as big a deal as what I saw today. And not as big as what I will be seeing soon. The JHS and Elementary graduation ceremonies are coming up soon.

The big thing here is of course the JHS ceremony. Since you have to test into high school here, most of the kids will be splitting up and going to different places. Heck, I went to the same college town as my best friends (I had to say 'college town' because some of those slackers never actually made it through the school part). Point being, we didn't split up until our 20s. These kids will be saying goodbye at age 14-15, on Saturday. I expect tears. Heck, I expect people other than me to cry too. I'm already feeling verklempt.

Wait, it's good?

Okay, so I've been watching a little bit of TV here. Recently I decided to revisit Star Trek: The Next Generation beginning with the earliest episodes I could find. I've watched a few of the earliest episodes in recent weeks and I have to say, they are pretty cheesy. Don't get me wrong, I loved The Next Generation and even watching it now, it's good stuff. It's just that, especially in the beginning, it was kind of silly at times. Even as the series progressed and really hit its stride it never left behind the sense of fun and humor that has always been a part of the Star Trek world. How many episodes of the original series ended with Kirk and Bones laughing while Spock raised an eyebrow?

Now, allow me to switch it up. Last year someone decided to bring back Battlestar Galactica, which was always one of my absolute favorite shows as a kid. As a general rule, I think that remakes are pretty much a bad idea. Just read my previous post about the Star Wars and E.T. Special Editions to see what I'm talking about. As I began to hear a little more about how they were going to change the show, I only got more frustrated. Starbuck and Boomer would now be women. Great. Now we can make it all sexy. And th Cylons? No longer aliens, but robots that man created which then turned on us because they think they can run things better. And now they have the ability to look just real humans. Hold on, didn't I see this years ago with Arnold Schwarzenegger? I was far from interested in seeing it.

But then I read a review on one of the few blogs I regularly visit and that guy talked it up pretty well so I finally decided to at least give it a shot. I watched the first episode.

That was all it took.

The new Battlestar Galactica is seriously good. I mean that in the sense that it's actually very good and in the sense that it is serious. This is why I mentions Star Trek: The Next Generation. As great as it was, it always maintained this sense of lighthearted comedy in the background, and this is something that nearly all science-fiction does. It's almost like an apology. "We know we're doing something a bit ridiculous so we'll admit it through the use of some quips and whatnot." But BSG doesn't do that. They've put these characters in a tight spot that would have to be treated with deadly seriousness if there were any hope to survive, so the characters treat it accordingly. It is incredibly different from the original, but if you want to see something just like the old show, then just watch that. The writing is good. The acting is good. The special effect are surprisingly good, and in fact better than what Lucas gave us in the last two Star Wars travesties, I mean movies.

I know this has nothing to do with Japan or really anything. But the fact is, the new BSG is great. Watch an episode from the first season of The Next Generation and then watch one from season 5 or 6. The quality difference is astounding. Now, check out BSG. This first season is as good as pretty much anything ST:TNG ever did. If it lasts and actually gets better, it has the potential to be one of the best sci-fi shows ever. This alone has probably sealed its doom, but that's all the more reason to watch.

So, check it out. I think this is actually a science fiction show that anyone could dig, regardless of whether or not they are as nerdy as me.

I am 20% Emo.

Okay... so I'm not emo at all.. I am probably not even goth, because goths are just messed up emo kids... I am probably a metal head... or into boy bands...

Take the
Emo Test
@ FualiDotCom

Yeah, that's what I figured. Not that there isn't any good Emo music (Wait, what is Emo again?) but just that all genres are primarily filled with formulaic garbage. That's what makes it a genre. The music is all easily recognizable as being a part of that genre, meaning it is formulaic and unoriginal. Which means it's boring.

But how did they know I'm into boy bands...

Me with my snowboarding gear 

He Just Doesn't Sound Like a Real Alien Now...

Guess I got burned out on this after that ridiculous Australia account. But, I'm back.

So, my 2nd grade students (who would be 8th graders in the USA) have finished their textbook early. The other teachers were shocked when I said that I don't actually remember ever finishing a textbook. I mean, what's wrong with us? Isn't the information at the end important? Isn't it the culmination of everything you've learned the whole year and thereby designed to set you up for the further learning you'll receive the next year? Yeah sure it is, but whatever. So I didn't learn about American History past Nixon until I was... oh wait, I had to do that on my own. Man, what is wrong with us?

Anyhow, point being that since we got done quickly, they thought it would be nice to reward the students by allowing them to watch an American movie which the textbook used to teach some grammar. "E.T. and Elliott become best friends." "It's the most moving science fiction movie." Yes, the superlative grammar point was taught by using E.T. so we are watching it now. But, the video tape they were able to rent is dubbed in Japanese which has been a pretty weird thing to watch. I haven't seen the movie in a long time, and to see it now in Japanese is definitely odd. "E.T. ouchi denwa" just doesn't seem as right as "E.T. phone home." You know what I mean?

But, and here's where I really go off on a tangent, this doesn't bother me. See, they rented a newer video tape which means this is the E.T. Special Edition that was released just a year or two ago. Usually I'm a fan of the Special Editions because it means cleaning up the video quality and, if it's a DVD, including cool stuff like Deleted Scenes and Commentary. But Spielberg decided to go the George Lucas Special Edition route which means actually altering the movie itself. Yes, he thought it would be better if he used some CGI effects to make E.T. more expressive. And while we're at it, we don't really want federal agents holding guns while the kids fly off in their bikes. Federal agents don't use guns! Especially not when kids are involved! So, let's change those to walkie talkies, which will look like they're sort of floating in the guys hands because they're not really there.

I hate this. I hated it when Lucas did it to Star Wars and I hate it in E.T. Lucas and Spielberg can spend all day thinking that these are their movies and that they can do whatever they want to with them, but they're wrong. These are NOT their movies. They're OURS. Star Wars didn't become a long-lasting cultural phenomenon because George Lucas willed it, it happened because millions of fans all over the world loved it and supported it. We loved the movies the way they were and we didn't feel like they needed to be changed. We loved E.T. back in 1982 and we never thought it didn't look good enough. If we had it wouldn't have been one of the world's most popular movies ever. This is the same kind of thinking that got Ted Turner to colorize movies which, if you'll notice, he doesn't do any more. I mean, why not change some other old movies? That scene at the end of Casablanca? Let's put some more panes around so it looks more like a real airfield. And Olivier's Hamlet? Let's digitally add in more buildings in the background so it really looks like ancient Denmark. And ooh, ooh, CGI blood spurting out whenever someone dies in The Seven Samurai. That would make it a better movie.

But, okay, Lucas and Spielberg are nutty and they want to "reward" us by giving us something new to look at. I can accept that. I saw the Star Wars Special Editions in the theater because I wanted to see the new stuff. Whatever. But what really pisses me off is the actual disdain they must have for the people who made these movies what they are. The fact that Lucas has said that he will never release the original versions of Star Wars on DVD is just that, disdain. Star Wars Special Edition wasn't a movie that got people everywhere playing with toys and dressing up like fools. That was Star Wars. And to tell us that we are not allowed to buy it is an insult. Release both versions and make more money! What's wrong with that? What, the guy who gave us Jar Jar Binks is somehow concerned about his artistic integrity? Who the hell are you kidding?

So, I will never buy Star Wars on DVD even though I would like to have it, because it's not really Star Wars. It's not the movie I grew up with and loved. And that should be my option. Instead, as a feeble attempt to lash out at the man I feel has betrayed me, I will download it and try to let others do the same thing from me. If he puts out the real movie I will buy it and immediately delete the Special Edition from my computer (because I'd never want to watch again anyhow). As for E.T., same deal. Don't take something people have loved for multiple generations, slap some crappy CGI in it, and then tell us it's better and we wouldn't want the original anyhow.

On the bright side, I understood nearly all of E.T. even though it was only in Japanese, which felt pretty good.